Spiritual Autonomy

My whole life, growing up in church, I've been told not to date someone who wasn't saved. As a kid I thought that was completely ridiculous, because really, there was no one in the church who was truly saved and single (in my age bracket at least), so what just be by myself forever??? NEGATIVE. It wasn't until I was older and tried by the fire so to speak, before I realized how important it was for my partner to have their own walk with God. 

It is important that the person you are dating has spiritual autonomy for the relationship to be successful.  "That is, he has his own walk with God that he pursues on a regular basis, regardless of his circumstances. Spiritual autonomy ensures that he does not look to you to provide his religious direction or motivation." [Boundaries in Dating: Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend] 

You need a person who can go to God for themselves! We, as women, need a sense of security in a relationship: physically and spiritually.  I need to know that in the time of trouble, my mate can go into spiritual warfare for us and our family. [Ecclesiastes 4:10] No one is perfect, so at some point we all fall; in a relationship your mate needs to be able to challenge you and encourage you to pick yourself up, and not to further hinder to you spiritually.  A good question to ask is: does the person your with bring out the best in you or the worst? And this not something that you put off bringing up until marriage: courtship is practice for marriage. These are the stages were you find out of the person you are dating is marriage material. 

If you find yourself continuously attracting unbelievers, and wanting to pursue something with them, you may want to take a look at yourself. "If something is broken inside, you will tend to find yourself drawn to unhealthy or absent spiritually [relationships]". This is something that, I myself experienced. I noticed that as my faith was failing, I was entertaining relationships what were spiritually dead. It wasn't until I renewed my faith in God, and trusted him fully; closing the door completely on the past and not looking back like Lot's wife, that I was able to walk into the blessing that God had tailor-made just for me. That's not just with dating, that with everything. You can't fix everything yourself. When you standstill and let God be God in your life is when he will show up and show out.

That's a whole other topic in and of it's self, but back to the point I was making, the bible says "how can two walk together less they agree?" Take it from me, holding a serious relationship with someone who doesn't know God for himself is a disaster waiting to happen. If you are saying "well there is no saved guys out there who aren't taken already", God has finely crafted someone just for you and he is preparing you and him for each other. Why would you want God to give you something that you are ready for? Just to mistreat it? NEGATIVE. A lot of time we are our on worst enemy in this area. If we would just stand still; know that God is God; be quick to listen and slow to speak, we could hear God and allow him to move in our lives. 

I'm pretty sure I've spoken on this topic before, but it was placed on my heart today, and I hope it blesses someone. 

Money Talks: Envelope System

I can admit that I am not the most fiscally responsible. When I have extra money it's like it burns a whole in my pocket and I just burn through it on stupid things. And the ironic thing is that can be cheap though, (how that works; I don't know). But anyway, aside from the goal of digging myself out of debt, I have things that's need to save up for, and if I keep up the same spending habits, I will always be in the same place. I have already proved to myself that I can go into "survival mode" and save. When I got disciplined made up my mind it really didn't take me long to save up money for my down payment. But now the challenge is because now I've incurred new bills. In an attempt to better plan my spending I'm going to try this system:

I also found this :

So I've downloaded this app on my phone. I'm still trying to figure it out completely b/c I'm not starting on a payday for me. But we shall see how this works out for me, especially since my income can be fluctuate since I have my side hustles.

Feature: A Lesson from A Celeb Marriage- Teddy and Tina Campbell

I am a HUGE fan of Mary Mary on WeTV. I love the way they represent Christians in this day in age and relationships. They keep it real, and they are transparent. In the second episode of the season, that was a convo between Tina and her hubby Teddy about her appearance. Yes, when she is in "Mary Mode", Tina is all doll-ed up, with the hair, make-up and dress, but on the everyday tip, she's plain and comfortable, which how I feel most of us women are (especially me). This is a realistic and very relevant topic of convo that should be discussed. Do we as women get too lazy and too comfortable when it comes to appearances?

"When I'm home and I go into a Tina space, I'm Tina. I'm Teddy's wife, I'm these kids' momma, I'm her; don't look for Mary. It's a lot of work to be ON; ready for the camera. I can't be ON all the time; it's too much work "

"This is the man that I intend to spending the rest of my life with. He can't tell me there's something he wants, something he needs, something that makes him happy and I'mma disregard it. That is what we call a fool. Why would I do that? How I'mma keep him if he ain't happy"





When this episode aired, I had a convo with my mom, (it's kinda funny because my mother is kinda on the low, trying to groom me for marriage, and she has starting PLANNING MY WEDDING! It's quite funny because I'm not even dating...so I kinda laugh it off, but I do take what she says to heart because it's wisdom) but she was saying that it's important that you keep your appearances up. Now any one who knows me, know that I LOVE fashion! But I can admit that I do get lazy with it at times especially during the week, mainly because I do work from home, right after work, I'm heading to school, where I have to wear a uniform, and I rarely go anywhere until the weekend, and more than likely it's church and I do get GAWGEOUS  for the Lord. But, yes I can do more.


A couple of weeks ago my clinic for teacher (who is a male) joked that if I stepped it up I would more than likely get asked out more. I didn't too much offense because to know Mr. Ed you know that he cracks on everyone. But it was food for thought. I can remember recently running into a guy that I am interested in and I wasn't to the nines. I wasn't bummy but I wasn't looking my best and I feeling a little embarrassed because I could have looked better. So I'm going to challenge myself to step it up. Keeping my hair flawless even through the week, working to get my skin back together, actually ironing (lol somehow I got out of that habit in college with all the hustle and rushing) even if that mean getting up earlier.  A lot more can be discussed on this topic so I'm going to try my best to remember to do a part two to this.




Do you think you could step it up a little more?

The Well Rounded Woman: Money Talks

Proverbs 31's description of the virtuous woman describes her as a well rounded woman; spiritually and naturally. So I am going to talk other things that make us well rounded. Challenging myself to make some changes so that I can be that virtuous women. I am also considering join my other two blogs: Hair Junkie Diva and Plush Diva together with this one....it's just a thought. 

But I want to start with the topic of money. I have always be told to "speak prosperity into your life" but James says, "faith without works is dead." So we need to take the necessary step to be finanically sound. So for the first "Money Talks" post I what to share an article I found in Black Enterprise. 

(Just a reminder: Proverbs 31:10-27)

Peek In Your Purse

by Carolyn M. Brown

Cindy McField-Asamoah views  herself as a minimalist. “I don’t carry a lot of makeup or other items in my purse. I have an iPad 2 that I sometimes carry, and a BlackBerry Torch that I carry everywhere.” The 37-year-old married New York real estate broker switches up her purses according to her outfits, but they’re all hobo style—large crescent-shaped handbags with a long strap. “I need a large handbag because I often travel with my son [2-year-old Kaleb].

I am carrying things for both of us.” A vice president with the Corcoran Group in Brooklyn, New York, she keeps her wallet or clutch organized. “It doesn’t have sections, but my money is grouped together in one area, my credit and debit cards are in another, and my receipts are all in another.”

Why should it matter what’s in McField-Asamoah’s handbag? Robin A. Young, a certified financial planner, says a “purse check” is one way women can do a quick financial assessment. Financial behavior often reflects how you feel about yourself, says Young, president of Women Behaving Wealthy in New York. Money is personal and emotional—and what you carry around every day says a lot about your relationship with it.

For example, the credit cards McField-Asamoah carries in her purse are indicative of her challenges with debt. She admits that she was a frivolous spender before her son was born. “I tightened the purse strings because a lot of money now goes toward his needs.” McField-Asamoah is expecting another baby this summer. She avoids department store charge cards and currently has a MasterCard and American Express card. She pays with cash whenever possible, often using her debit cards, as she pays down her debt, including a $10,000 MasterCard balance.

An independent contractor, McField-Asamoah has a SEP-IRA account through Merrill Lynch to which she contributes on average $20,000 annually when feasible. She also contributes 10% of her paycheck to savings, mostly joint accounts with her husband, Kobla. The couple lacks structure. “We have goals in place but not a step-by-step plan for achieving them,” she says.

Like McField-Asamoah, many women want to pay off their credit cards and reduce spending while increasing savings. But the one area where most women still lack is retirement assets. The average woman near retirement has $34,000 in a 401(k) plan or IRA, whereas her male counterpart has $70,000. Roughly four out of 10 women rely on Social Security as their only source of retirement income. For many, a 401(k) plan serves as their emergency fund.

Part of the challenge is that the male-dominated financial services industry is oriented toward the male mindset, says Young. “The industry doesn’t meet the unique needs of women, who have more questions and approach money more holistically.” Young has worked in financial services for 12 years, most recently at Fidelity Investments, where she advised 500 millionaires how to invest their money.

“A woman behaving wealthy spends on the basis of what is important to her on her current income,” Young says. “You never want to operate out of a place of fear. The goal is to become more confident and comfortable about making wealth decisions.”
So, grab your bag and answer these seven questions to see if you’re a woman behaving wealthy.

What’s in your wallet?
Count the number of credit cards (not debit cards) that you carry. If you have more than one, you’re likely overspending and incurring debt. You should have one credit card that you use to, say, rent a car or pay for a trip, with the goal
of paying off that card in 30 days.

“You really should be using cash or a debit card, which would indicate that you’re living within your means,” says Young. “If you’re using credit then you’re probably spending beyond your income. Besides, managing multiple credit cards complicates life instead of simplifying it.”

What’s the average balance on those cards? For example, if you have five cards with a credit limit of $2,000 and each has a balance of $1,000, your total debt is $5,000. You have used 50% of your available credit, which affects your FICO score. You need to put away those cards, stop using them, and pay them off.

“Don’t close the account after paying off the balance, because that will increase your debt-to-available-credit ratio, which will lower your credit score,” cautions Young. Once you pay off all your cards, consider using one account. “Keep the credit card that offers the most benefits like cash-back rewards, merchant discounts, and airline mileage points,” suggests Young. Nix department store cards since they charge the highest interest rates, canceling out any 15% to 20% discount you get for using them, she points out.
To help you manage your debt, check your credit score, view alerts, and handle other tasks, use tools such as Equifax’s mobile app for the iPhone, iPad, or Android phone. For other management tools, see “4 Apps to Boost Your Score” in Money, this issue.

Is your cash organized by denomination? 
Open your wallet and look at how your cash is organized. Is it ordered by denomination with bills facing the same way? Cash that’s arranged and in order is characteristic of a person whose financial life is organized, Young says. Not to mention that it’s easier to get hold of and to add when making purchases.

“Cash in disarray reflects a disorganized financial life. Focusing through clutter and chaos is difficult.” Organize your cash, financial files, documents, and accounts. “It is hard to have abundance when your money isn’t in order and financial papers are all over the place,” says Young. Disorder increases the odds that you’ll get overcharged or miss payment due dates. Some women are even afraid to look at their statements, allowing them to sit around unopened for months, notes Young. You’re not making the right financial decisions if you don’t review your financial statements each month.

Young explains that organizing—your cash and your financial papers—has to do with money awareness. “When I was at Fidelity, I managed nearly $1 billion in assets for clients who averaged $2 million each. The one thing my millionaires had in common is they were very money aware. If they got charged $10, right or wrong, they would question it. They were very focused—though not obsessive—on how much money they had at all times.” Every day, the woman behaving wealthy is aware of how much money she has in her purse, checking account, and savings.

In addition to tools such as Mint, Intuit’s Quicken personal finance software gives you the ability to track and maintain records of bank accounts, credit cards, loans, brokerage accounts, IRA accounts, insurance policy status, and various other transactions.
Do you have an up-to-date to-do list?

Whether you maintain a to-do list in a traditional day planner or on an electronic device, it’s essential that you have a written plan for what you would like to achieve, says Young. It can be daily, weekly, or monthly. “Having a current to-do list reflects that you have identified, quantified, and prioritized your goals. Research has proven that goals that are written down are more likely to be achieved.”

Let’s say one of your goals is to pay off your debts. When you go to the mall and see a dress you like, you need to know that spending that $200 means you’ll have $200 less to pay toward your debts. You’re even more aware when you have a specific dollar amount, adds Young. For instance, if your goal is to retire early and you need to save $600 a month to do it, it becomes easier to make daily buying decisions.

“Having a better sense of your day translates into having a better sense of your money,” Young says. “When you become more strategic about managing your daily life, you become more strategic about managing your finances.”

LifeWellth.com, a personal finance resource, now provides an iPad app that helps you set and formulate custom long-term plans to reach financial goals such as retirement, purchasing a home, and saving for college.

Do you have protection plans on your electronic devices?
Protection plans protect you from the loss or malfunction of your gadgets. Let’s say you lost your $300 smartphone. With a protection plan, you have the option of receiving a free replacement or paying a small fee. Ask yourself if you can manage the risk, says Young. If your $500 tablet is lost, stolen, or destroyed, can you afford a new one without financial difficulty?

Protecting your gadgets is analogous to protecting your assets. Essentially, you need five forms of protection or insurance coverage: disability, life, health, homeowners’ liability, and long-term care—especially given that women live longer, but often in worse health. “Every day, you face innumerable risks. A woman behaving wealthy protects her assets: loved ones, income, health, and property,” adds Young.

Retailers such as Best Buy and manufacturers such as Apple offer their own protection plans or warranties. Also, visit SquareTrade.com, an independent warranty provider that says it offers prices that are on average 40% less than most retailers’ prices. For more information on insurance products, visit A.M. Best’s Consumer Insurance Center at www3.ambest.com/consumers/.

Do you have an emergency card? 
An emergency card lists your healthcare emergency names and numbers (e.g., hospital, doctor, dentist, pharmacy, health plan, and insurance policy). It includes your family’s contact information (e.g., spouse’s, parents’, and children’s contact numbers) in case of an accident. The best time to prepare for an emergency is before it happens. One quick way to create an emergency card is to go to RedCross.org/contactcard. Young says that if you have an emergency card, you have probably taken steps to create an emergency kit, which RedCross.org also explains how to prepare.

This mindset of preparedness ties into estate planning, she adds, because women behaving wealthy prepare for other unfortunate possibilities such as disabling illness or death. You should have a financial directive or power of attorney (someone to handle all your financial matters) and medical directive or power of attorney (someone to make decisions about your medical treatment) in the event that you’re unable to.

Have you selected a custodial and financial guardian to care for your minor children, bearing in mind that minors cannot inherit assets, including life insurance benefits? Have you updated the beneficiary designations of your 401(k), IRA, bank account, and life insurance policy? At BlackEnterprise.com, watch the video, “How Estate Planning Protects Your Family.”

Are receipts and important papers organized? 
Receipts and important documents in your purse can represent additional income and savings if you use them to lower your tax liability. “By consistently categorizing expenditures that are potential deductions and credits, you are employing tax-reduction strategies to increase your wealth,” Young explains. “Taxes are a detour on the wealth-building journey, as they erode your investing power. A woman behaving wealthy has the objective of retaining as much income as possible, which can then be redirected to savings.”

ProOnGo.com is a personal finance tool that allows you to track things like automotive mileage and business-related expenses, and to generate expense reports for tax purposes. Another is Expensify.com, which creates automatic expense reports from photo scans of receipts.

If you passed the litmus test for six or all of the above questions, congratulations are in order—it appears that you are a woman behaving wealthy. If your purse audit suggests that you aren’t quite on the right path, it’s still not too late, Young says. “Take action today and transform your financial life.”BE

The Most Dangerous Part of your Body

On a recent trip to Detroit with my youth department, I shared a room with my mother, her friend (who happens to be my spiritual mentor), and my Soror, we were sharing funny stories, experiences, and reactions to things that were happening during the conference that we were attending. We were talking about how I can viewed as stand-off-ish or unfriendly at times, which is completely untrue if you are close to me. I'm just cautious as to who allow close to me. (Love everyone, but its not like im clambering for friends, I'll speak and laugh and talk but I don't sit down and have dinner, and just invite everyone into my personal area, that would be foolish) But any way, mother asked the question "can you tell that Brittany use to talk a lot? I use to get calls from the teacher because she couldn't shut her mouth in class". The others shook their heads no and kinda laughed in shock and disbelief.
Well yes it's true I did have this problem, and I had gotten better, due to maturing and life experiences made me more of an introvert, but I do still have my moment of struggle with speaking. Beside the fact that when I'm sleepy I get either (1) extremely cranky or (2) extremely talkative and silly, the Lord had been dealing with me about running to other with my problem rather than coming to Him.
For the sake of transparency, I had a problem with drinking, and I drake to deal w/ my issues, (well clearly that's not good and a drunkenness is a sin), after I got saved, I stopped getting drunk to deal w/ or numb my issues, and I began to talk about things. While that's good, you don't have to tell people everything. There are somethings that you need to just take to God in prayer.
Another issue of the mouth, that, Yes I HAVE, is timing. My spiritual mentor always quotes "Everything that is lawful is not expedient" (1 Corinthians 6:12). Which means, you may be right in what you are saying but that may have not been the time to say it. In the past few weeks the Lord has been trying to bring my issue w/ this to my attention, and it came fully to my attention the other day and a meeting between my pastor and the youth, were he allowed us to tell him how we were feeling. In and attempt to a clean up a major "omg did she really say that moment" that a fellow youth just had I found myself in the same position. What I meant to say didn't fully come out instead it sounded out of order. Yes, everything I said was in fact true but was completely out of order. And I felt it after it came out that I had stuck my foot in my mouth and there was no cleaning it up. And believe me the Lord got me for it.
Sometimes somethings I say come out sounding judgmental. Which is not my intention. The bible tells us that yes we should correct our brother and sister in love. Now me personally it really grinds my gears when people that profess to be "saved, sanctified, and baptized in the name of Jesus, and fulled with the precious gift of the Holy Ghost" make excuses for what they do. My thing is if you are wrong, say your wrong, and don't lean on that fact that we serve a forgiving God as licence to do what ever you want and hide under the cop out of "He knows my heart". Yes, He does but how many time you gone keep doing the same thing before you realize that you have humble your self, pray and TURN from your wicked ways? Like really if someone cheats on you, sayings they are sorry but keeps purposefully doing it would you believe that they were truly sorry? But I digress; now when I give correction and accountability to those who asked me to, the words I use can come off too harsh and judgmental sounding and that's because I get passionate about what I'm saying. So I have to now be slow to speak and ask the Lord to guide my speech so that it is Him speaking  and not me and my flesh. He says "with love and kindness have I drawn you". So we want to do the same. So if I have offend anyone personally, I do whole-heartily apologize, that was not my attention.
I'm learning to use wisdom when I speak, and not to speak out of order. Although, I may be right, there is a time and a place for everything.
There is a part two to this because this topic is deeper than most would think. Hey, it wasn't until yesterday that I realized that I need to study the power of words, and it plays a big role in being the women that God has called us to be. So part two coming soon as I run off to class. LOVE YOU ALL!

Fear Not!

Challenge: Not to allow Fear to bind us! We don't really realize how much we allow fear to control us and a lot of time not allow us to fully put our trust in God. Personally I know I struggle with trusting God and my fear of failure and rejection. I'm always thinking so far in advance, "what if this doesn't work out?" "what if I don't do a good job?" instead of just standing on the word that the Lord already gave me. 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind." We allow the fact that we don't know exactly how the Lord is going work things out or when he is going to do it, to make us fearful about the process. But he doesn't work on our time table. He works in his own perfect timing. Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all thy heart and lean not unto thine own understand. In all thy ways acknowledge HIM and HE will direct thy paths." Lets make up in our minds this year not to worry about things and not allow fear to consume us. Let's "seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all this this shall be added" Matt 6:33. If we learn to to put God first, like really, everything else will fall in place. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, not of evil, to give you an expected end."