I have a confession, the past couple of days I have not been happy and have been far away from God. Although to others it may not have seemed as thought I have physically done anything that we as humans would consider a sin, I have not been operating in the will. This began when all the post about graduation when up on Facebook, and a sense of shame and depression came over me. Then I begin to think about the fact that I feel alone. I have noticed that it seems as though I have been isolated. I notice that I'm the one always calling people to see how there are and it's rare that my phone rings just to have a convo with some who just wants to see how my day is going. I see post about outtings that I wasn't invited to and yes I get bumbed out about it. And for me it's like a domino effect. Once I feel down about one thing, everything that i'm hurt by or ashamed about surfaces. And those are triggers that causing me to fall back into old habbits, which in turn triggers me be ashamed of my current actions, and the fact that I'm disappointing my Father. Here is were I am:
These are all half trues that I allow the enemy to get me down about (emphases on that fact that I allow it, we need to take responsible for thing that we do to ourselves and stop blaming every thing on the devil, he has no power, but what we give him. We have power and dominion over him). Now here is what is true. I did not leave school because I flunked out. I had made bad financial decisions years ago that caused a domino effect of things to occurs which brought me to a point of owing some money in order for me to register for my last semester of school. It wasn't a huge amount of money, but I didn't have it to pay at the time. I asked my parents to help me. They came up with the money but we had a emergency situation back home which cause my parent to have to use the money that we can up with. As I scrambled to come up the money, I ask the Lord to have his way anyhow. Needless to say, we never came up with the money. So I said "ok Lord, I guess this means that you want me to go ahead and go to hair school now, instead of waiting until after I graduate like I had planned." So I when ahead and enrolled at the school down in Bloomington. Well, things weren't working out for me to be able to live in Bloomington and go to school there, so I was forced to come home. The Lord later revealed, that he need to remove me from my surroundings because it was more of a hindering for me spiritually.
Now the devil likes to whisper things to me like "Your just a failure. You don't have anything going for yourself. See, people who started school years after you have graduated. You can't find a job making over $1000 a month because you don't have a degree. I thought your God was going to take care of you. You were doing better before. You had your own place, you were independent, and that was what was attractive about you. You at least had someone to hold you at night. Look at you now, you live with your mother, your alone, people are distancing themselves from you, you might as well go back to how you were, you will feel more vaildated." LIES!!!!!!!!!!!
Reality:
He has to remove some people to make room for the ones who he is placing around me that are going to bless me and provide an edifying friendship/relationship. It's ok though, because everyone can't go with you. Although, things may not be happening in my time table or for that matter on the time table other may think that it is should, it's happening in HIS perfect time. He is the author of time. I have nothing to worry about because all things work together for the good of them that love the Lord. You know what, God has made me some promises and as long I walk up rightly before Him, He has to do what HE said that He was going to do.
The devil's job is to distract us, and he does this by feeding us a word that is contray to what God said. And some times we can be foolish and believe what the devil says verses what God says b/c we are too busy concentrating on what we see now and not on what God is preparing for us. For example, people like to ask me this question: "what if the Lord wants you to be by yourself forever?" That's fine, but that's not what he has for me. How do I know, (#1) prophecy is suppose to confirm what God has already told you. God already gave me a word and it wasn't that I was going to be alone forever. He is preparing me. Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it not in the works. I asked God to reveal what he has for me and he did, and I was like "really, God??? I can't see that but ok, prepare me for it". (And he made it plain, but you can't always tell every one all the detail because not everyone is for you. But what God has for you is for you) Now how long it takes is base on how long it takes for me to fulfill my purpose in my singleness. And honestly as much as I would LOVE to be married, heck in a relationship for that matter, I'm not ready yet. He said that he would give me the desires of my heart, and it is my desire that when get married that I be financially sound on my own and at this point I'm not there. I desire a man to compliment me not complete me, so for me I need to have my own first. I don't desire to jump from my mother taking care of me to my husband taking care of me. And too, I know the role the of a wife and I don't fully have that down pat yet. I'm still in training. And on the relationship tip, I have not been APPROACHED by a GODLY man yet. (How can two walk together unless they agree) I can be honest and say yes, I struggle with lust (who doesn't) and if I'm with someone who doesn't desire to live Godly then that is a set up for disaster. (Learned that the hard way)
Ok, enough with all my ramblings. Moral of the story is: keep your eye on what God has promised, keep pressing toward the mark of the high calling. Yes, you are going to have your days but don't get stuck in Lo Debar, GET UP FROM THERE AND KEEP IT MOVING!!! Most importantly don't allow the enemy to distract you by feeding you a word contrary from THE WORD. I'm-ma keep pressing, and I hope you do too. Pray for me and I'm going to pray for you all. LOVE YOU ALL!
This blessed me today and inspired to to actually share my struggle:
http://
By Nina at allthingsnina.blogspot.com. Check her out and support her!
- I am very lonely
- I have not forgiven myself for the things I have done in the past and very ashame of who I was
- I am upset with myself that I have not accomplished what I set to accomplished at this age
- I am fearfully of hitting 30 without being married and having a child.
These are all half trues that I allow the enemy to get me down about (emphases on that fact that I allow it, we need to take responsible for thing that we do to ourselves and stop blaming every thing on the devil, he has no power, but what we give him. We have power and dominion over him). Now here is what is true. I did not leave school because I flunked out. I had made bad financial decisions years ago that caused a domino effect of things to occurs which brought me to a point of owing some money in order for me to register for my last semester of school. It wasn't a huge amount of money, but I didn't have it to pay at the time. I asked my parents to help me. They came up with the money but we had a emergency situation back home which cause my parent to have to use the money that we can up with. As I scrambled to come up the money, I ask the Lord to have his way anyhow. Needless to say, we never came up with the money. So I said "ok Lord, I guess this means that you want me to go ahead and go to hair school now, instead of waiting until after I graduate like I had planned." So I when ahead and enrolled at the school down in Bloomington. Well, things weren't working out for me to be able to live in Bloomington and go to school there, so I was forced to come home. The Lord later revealed, that he need to remove me from my surroundings because it was more of a hindering for me spiritually.
Now the devil likes to whisper things to me like "Your just a failure. You don't have anything going for yourself. See, people who started school years after you have graduated. You can't find a job making over $1000 a month because you don't have a degree. I thought your God was going to take care of you. You were doing better before. You had your own place, you were independent, and that was what was attractive about you. You at least had someone to hold you at night. Look at you now, you live with your mother, your alone, people are distancing themselves from you, you might as well go back to how you were, you will feel more vaildated." LIES!!!!!!!!!!!
Reality:
- All of my needs have been met.
- I am still in school.
- I have been blessed with a new car that is way better than the one I had before.
- Although I haven't had a car in 3 cars I can count on 1 hand how many times I have had to catch the bus.
- I just placed 4th out 21 competitiors in a national hair competition.
- For the 10 months I have been unemployed I can count on one hand how many times I have been literally without ANY money.
- I just went from being close to being fired from my job to just offered a promotion.
- The reason people are disappearing from my life, I asked God to remove people who are not edifying my walk with HIM.
He has to remove some people to make room for the ones who he is placing around me that are going to bless me and provide an edifying friendship/relationship. It's ok though, because everyone can't go with you. Although, things may not be happening in my time table or for that matter on the time table other may think that it is should, it's happening in HIS perfect time. He is the author of time. I have nothing to worry about because all things work together for the good of them that love the Lord. You know what, God has made me some promises and as long I walk up rightly before Him, He has to do what HE said that He was going to do.
The devil's job is to distract us, and he does this by feeding us a word that is contray to what God said. And some times we can be foolish and believe what the devil says verses what God says b/c we are too busy concentrating on what we see now and not on what God is preparing for us. For example, people like to ask me this question: "what if the Lord wants you to be by yourself forever?" That's fine, but that's not what he has for me. How do I know, (#1) prophecy is suppose to confirm what God has already told you. God already gave me a word and it wasn't that I was going to be alone forever. He is preparing me. Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it not in the works. I asked God to reveal what he has for me and he did, and I was like "really, God??? I can't see that but ok, prepare me for it". (And he made it plain, but you can't always tell every one all the detail because not everyone is for you. But what God has for you is for you) Now how long it takes is base on how long it takes for me to fulfill my purpose in my singleness. And honestly as much as I would LOVE to be married, heck in a relationship for that matter, I'm not ready yet. He said that he would give me the desires of my heart, and it is my desire that when get married that I be financially sound on my own and at this point I'm not there. I desire a man to compliment me not complete me, so for me I need to have my own first. I don't desire to jump from my mother taking care of me to my husband taking care of me. And too, I know the role the of a wife and I don't fully have that down pat yet. I'm still in training. And on the relationship tip, I have not been APPROACHED by a GODLY man yet. (How can two walk together unless they agree) I can be honest and say yes, I struggle with lust (who doesn't) and if I'm with someone who doesn't desire to live Godly then that is a set up for disaster. (Learned that the hard way)
Ok, enough with all my ramblings. Moral of the story is: keep your eye on what God has promised, keep pressing toward the mark of the high calling. Yes, you are going to have your days but don't get stuck in Lo Debar, GET UP FROM THERE AND KEEP IT MOVING!!! Most importantly don't allow the enemy to distract you by feeding you a word contrary from THE WORD. I'm-ma keep pressing, and I hope you do too. Pray for me and I'm going to pray for you all. LOVE YOU ALL!
This blessed me today and inspired to to actually share my struggle:
http://
By Nina at allthingsnina.blogspot.com. Check her out and support her!
Now girl....let me tell you how the LORD works. Without me even knowing you were blessed by that post I made a while ago, I was coming to your blog today ANYWAY! When I logged on to make my blog post today, I saw yours in my Reading List first and told myself that I would visit you --I kid you not---, but I ended up getting side tracked. Now that I've settled down I told myself that I hadn't read your blog yet, so I logged on and to my surprise, most of what you've said is where I currently am also! I could write a book about being lonely, not feeling good enough, smart enough, intelligent enough, etc., but what I will say is that God has been tooooooooooooooo good to us to even waddle in these spirits. EVERYTHING that happened to you was for a reason and a specific purpose. I can count on ONE hand how many people are still in my half a circle of friends. They have distanced themselves from you because God is shifting YOU into another dimension. Its no offense to them, but birds of a feather flock together and whatever they were doing is what you're probably NOT doing any longer, or at least striving not to do anyway. You see, there is a difference between those who are striving to do right as opposed to those only wanting to but never getting around to doing it. So shine on sis! I am very proud of your for accomplishing your goals and this is on the beginning for you. Take your time and do whatever it is you have to do for yourself first. In due time, he will reward all of your hard work and send that awesome hunk of a man, your HUSBAND, to find YOU! I can totally relate as I am approaching the big 3-0 as well without kids nor a husband. Shoot, I'm not even dating- and I would like to, lol! That's another story...hahahaha! But feel free to hit me up whenever you need to vent. My door is always open :-)
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