Naked pt. 2

I knew that God wanted me to share my testimony but I didn't know the dept of how much he wanted me to reveal. In that past 2 years I identified my daddy issues. I knew that they caused me to have abandonment issues, and caused me to look for love in all the wrong places. And when those false sources of love failed, I turned on myself, asking why was it that I wasn't worthy of being loved correctly. Once I conquered those issues and shared them, I figured my work was done, and now it was time to take my pleasure in what was for me. No, God need me to go deeper.

This 13 year old young lady shared that she was very actively viewing pornography, and although she is not sexually active, she has a very strong desire to be. When this was told to me, the other people involved in the conversation was just so gob-smacked and sadden by this information especially because of her age, but as these word were uttered, I quietly got angry, because in that instant I saw the devil himself, and his demons; the same ones I had battled and knew all too well myself, and I heard the voice of God say "I had to bring you this place to show you this demon so you would know how important every pain and heartache was. I need you to share your testimony but I need you to start form the beginning." So that's exactly what I'm going to do.

From a very early age, I began battling this sexual demon. It was in my preschool years, where my older cousin, who was either a teen or a pre-teen, would touch me very inappropriately on several occasions, and opened the can of worms that had lasting effects on me for years to come. Shortly after those encounters, I found myself acting out sexual acts with female cousins, and friends. Now, I never struggled with homosexuality. That was always a spirit that I was some how, able to keep off of me, by the grace of God. And I thank God for that because it could have been me. Especially because the female cousin that I use to interact with like that in her adult years became bi-sexual. At that age I really didn't have a concept of what homosexuality was or nor did I necessarily desire to be with a girl, I was just doing what I saw adults doing; I was playing "house". As I got a little older I found myself having urges that I didn't understand. Masturbating at a very early age, sneaking watching late night Red Shoe Diaries, and Real Sex on HBO and Showtime.

I remember being in elementary school, around 5th grade, and when the other girls were talking about sex, all of a sudden I had to use the bathroom. And when I had my first kiss at 12 it happened again. I didn't realize at that time, that I was getting aroused. I thought I just was having a bladder problem. What I had been involuntarily been exposed to in the earlier years was turning into a black hole that was getting bigger and and bigger. In those pre-teen years the late night digest of porn and masturbation got to be more frequent and an appetite for what I never had grown ever increasing.

Although, I battled with all of this in secret, and felt guilty and ashamed; praying for forgiveness every morning and being thankful that the Lord didn't just kill me right there on the spot, I knew that I wanted to wait until I got married to have sex. Me and my childhood sweetheart and first love had been counting down the years. And like all childhood "relationships", we broke up. When I hit my junior year, I thought I was in love, and had found someone who I wanted to give that gift to, and then we very publicly and embarrassingly broke up and I felt like I wasn't worthy to be loved and that my gift was never going to be given to someone who would love me the same way I loved them. I then, stupidly, decided to loose my virginity to the rebound guy, who I only knew a couple of weeks.The flood gates were now open wide, and they were compounded by the fact that I never had an example of what the true love of a man was.

 All of that equals a terrible recipe for self-disrespect and a cycle of pain. In those last high school years and the majority of my collage years I found myself laying down for people who most definitely didn't deserve my gift, and enduring self inflicted heartache and pain; creating unhealthy soul ties. A beast of an appetite had been created and was running rampant. At one point I was having sex with one particular guy almost every night. I was one step away from an addiction. I had given my heart and body to too many who weren't worthy. The emotional weight of not feeling like enough, of not being loved, and of a desperate search find love and affection (even if it was the pretend kind from myself and a vibrator), got to be so great that the doorway of alcoholism opened and it was also running hand and hand with this sexual demon.

In the mist of my brokenness, I found myself lying in my apartment floor half naked crying out to the Lord, the Lord that I knew in my childhood but walked away from. In that instant, the Lord step in and pulled me out of my foolishness and saved me. Now for a while I felt so dirty about sex. I didn't want anyone to even look at me. Although God forgave me, I felt soooo ashamed of myself for what I had subjected myself to and how I knew I looked to others on the outside. It took a while for me to forgive myself: years. So many times, we keep ourselves bound by our past by holding on to things and not forgiving ourselves. But in Christ there is now therefore no condemnation. Dwell not on the former things.

The things that I had encountered in my early years, I had mentally blocked out and never talked about. It wasn't until that young lady shared that information that I saw the root and plucked it out. In the last couple of weeks, I felt that demon rising up but I didn't get it. I was praying and fasting asking the Lord to keep my mind all the while trying to figure out why I was fighting this off again. I hadn't had those desires in years but here they were again, but this time I knew how to fight, with the word. But as soon as that story hit my ears I was saw that demon for exactly who he was. I now knew what I needed I do and I began rebuking him. This is a something serious and too many times in the church we sweep things under the rug. But deliverance comes from identifying and uncovering the devil and exposing him for the liar he is. The word says to confess your faults one to another. And if I have freedom in Christ, Satan can't continue to use what I have already been delivered from to keep me embarrassed and bound. I have victory, I am going to cry loud and spare not. Speaking life to whosoever needs it. And in this testimony, may God get all the glory!

I don't know who this was for, but I just want to let them know that you are worth it. You are of value, and you do not have to settle. God is a deliverer. HE is the mender of every broken heart, and you don't have to stay in the condition that your in. The spirit is leading me to go in this direction: to all those who were tampered with and is now battling homosexuality, God says get up from there. It wasn't your fault but it is not your end all be all. You have a purpose and value in the KINGDOM. HE didn't make you that way. Do not allow Satan to continue to trick you. God is not the author of confusion. If it don't logically and biologically may sense then you know it's not of God!!! The devil is a liar, and he is just sitting back laughing as he make a fool out of you. There is a war-cry: GET UP FROM THERE!!!!! There is deliverance for you. You just have to accept it. "If my people who are called my name would humble themselves and pray, seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and heal their land."

Father God, in the name of Jesus I thank you for being a mender of broken hearts. I thank you for you grace and your mercy that you show unto us although we are so unworthy. I thank you for your love and kindness you show to us in spite of us. Now God, I ask that you lift up the down trotted, mend the hearts of the broken. Break every chain of sexual immorality. Break every yoke of fear today oh God. I stand in the gap for my brothers and sisters oh God asking that you send your delivering power and save someone on today oh God. Lift every heavy burden. Be a comforter in the midnight hour God. Send peace oh God. Satan I rebuke you in the mighty name of Jesus. You have absolutely no power here. Loose your hold on the people right now in the name of Jesus. I bound you up right now and cast you back in to the pits of hell, you and all your minions in the name of Jesus. Lord you said what so ever is loose on earth, shall be loosed in heaven; what so ever is bounded on earth, shall be bounded in heaven. Right now on God I bind up every sexually immoral spirit, every spirit of insecurity, every spirit of inferiority, every spirit of masturbation, every hunting spirit of the past, of un-forgiveness, of unrighteousness and even as I write this oh God, I bind up any fear that trys to arise, to keep me from hitting the publish button, right now in the name of Jesus. And now God I loose peace oh God, I loose deliverance for your people oh God in the name of Jesus. And God we give you thank for the victory right now God, because we know it was won already over 2,000 years ago when you sent your Son to die on the cross for our sins. We thank you for loving us when we couldn't love ourselves. We thank you for keeping us when we didn't want to be kept.In the mist of our foolishness oh God. We bless your name oh God cause your are worthy of all the praise. God we bless you because we know that you are bigger than any situation. We bless your name because we know that you are able to deliverer us from it all. All the honor and glory belongs to you God because you are that you are. You are God. You are the mighty God. We will forever be in awe of you. We thank you for your unmerited grace and mercy unto us oh God. I thank you for being so mindful of us oh God. And I will be so careful to give you all the honor, glory, and praise. I will forever bless your wonderful name. You are that alpha and omega; the beginning and the end, the author and finisher of my fate. And I thank and praise you. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

"I beseech you therefore brethren, by the mercies of God that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, Holy, acceptance unto God, which is your reasonable service."

Redemption and Joy

So much has occurred in my time away. I honestly didn't want to write unless I sincerely had something to say. I view my time away as a very defining time of reflection and change, which is what life is all about. I don't take this platform lightly at all because I have realized through my "venting" about my life as a single saved young woman, someone else is being blessed through my testimony. I didn't believe that I could really give any encouragement in the state that I was in, and I didn't want to be a stumbling block for anyone else who may come across this blog. But now I have past through my test, I feel freedom in the Lord to share my experience. 

So what's been up with me?

Since my last post, I lost my job, which was not something that I was too devastated over, because I didn't enjoy it and I figured this would allow me time to get school finished and actually do something I enjoy; hair. Now I did feel the decline in my pockets, but I will say that the Lord has provided. I may not have overflow, but my needs have been met. 

I did lose weight; about 15 pounds. That was a good thing and a bad thing. Great because, yeah, I needed to lose some weight and bad because with the boost of confidence, came me feeling myself a little too much. Now this may sound a tab bit confusing but, with me "feeling myself too much", the insecurities that I have battled with the majority of my life, reared their ugly head again. Although on the surface, I felt great about myself, in the back of my mind I had reverted to the old me, the girl who felt like she needed validation and attention from a man to feel good about  her self. The compliments I was getting on how I looked, just made me crave more attention, to the point I would entertain foolishness for sake of not being alone. Dating people who are clearly not equally yoked  just for the sake of having something to do on a Friday night. 

"One week without prayer, will make one weak."

I continued with it under the gist of "oh, I'm just chilling with them", until one day I had the realization that I was slowly killing myself spiritually.  I was going so far in God up until that point, that it literally scared me. Things that were easy for me to fight off in the spirit became this knock out, drag down fight. I told my best friend one day, "this is not me! I don't know what's happening to me. I feel like I'm fighting for my life....[spiritually]". It was like, the closer I got to God, the more I had to fight. That's how the enemy works, when he see that you are realizing your purpose in the Kingdom, he will do all he can to prohibit it. Because I wasn't working, I was so caught up in getting my "hustle on", doing hair in the shop, school, and trying to maintain some sort of a social life, that I wasn't taking the time to pray and read my word. One of my frat brothers said it best on his Facebook status, "one week without prayer, will make one weak". If that ain't the truest thing I've heard!

Loneliness set in. I settled; found myself in positions that were not right; falling back into old habits  I was seeing a guy who did me kinda bogus. It was minuet compared to past relationships, but the traits he were exhibiting and the way his actions made me feel were way too reminiscent to a past relationship that left me the most emotionally damaged. And I will admit this, God will bring you clarity in the mist of your own foolishness, it wasn't until I slipped up and had too many drinks (yes, I will admit, I did fall), with a close friend, venting about this guy, that she ministered directly to me, she said "Brittany, God can not bless you with the man that He has for you if you still have foolish, nothing negros standing in the way." I was blown away!!! She was sooooo right! How can the Lord bless you when you have something or someone stand in proxy?

As New Year's approached  I began to make declarations. I knew that if all hell was breaking loose in my life like it was, that I had to be on the brink of something great! I started to remind the Lord of the promises that he had made to me. I started to claim victory in my life. As of the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve, this may sound cliche but it's the truth, I shut the door on somethings, and some people and told the Lord, I was going to trust Him fully. I only want what he has for me. I prayed that he guide my footsteps. And that's just what he did! I literally felt a shift in my spirit and I declare I am not the same person. God has showed up and showed out in my life to the point that sometimes it's overwhelming that God loves me sooo much that he answered my prayers to the "T"! My life is filled with so much joy that it's busting at the seams. I know you're waiting for me to testify and tell exactly what the Lord has done, as the suspense builds, I will but not in this post. I am not exactly ready to reveal that yet, but I will say it's the Lord doing and it's marvelous in my eyes!

My big reveal is coming soon! So stay tuned! 

I just want to encourage everyone to stay steadfast and trust God. He will never leave you nor forsake you. He is right there with you in the fire! Stay prayerful loves!

I Hate to Admit it but Lil Wayne Is On to Something.

I'm not a huge Lil Wayne fan because just like a lot of the hip hop artist nowadays he spews out and promotes ignorance and things that are completely not of God, but I came into my living-room one day, and my brothers was watching 106 and Park on BET as usual. A video came across the screen that completely grab my attention and has me actually giving kudos to Mr. Carter for sharing some sad truth. The video that was playing was Lil Wayne's "How to Love". This video visually displays the powerful words he wrote, describing the poor emotional state a lot a young females  are experiencing now, in not knowing how to love. What is your take on Lil Wayne's "How to Love"?

Now here is a 2 part video response to this music video by Jaha Howard expressing what true Christ-like love is! 

Check out Jaha's channel here.

The Ex-Factor

A few weeks ago my youth department had their Outpour Youth Conference, and as a member of the youth choir, one of the nights were had to wear "church" tees. Well, seeing how a larger portion of my clothes are still at sorority sister's house from me moving, I didn't have much to choose from. I decided to my "X-Fornicator" tee, that I got made, inspired by P4CM. My decision, based on lack of any other option, sparked so many different reactions. People, for the most part, applauded my boldness in displaying my past sin.


All of the reaction to my fashion choice, made me think, "why should I be ashamed of what God brought me from?" As I look around I see so many saved women who struggle with fornication. That doesn't make them any less saved, because Roman 3:23 says "For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God" (I'm not give any one the green light to go out and have premarital sex, God looks at your heart). If me proclaiming that God delivered me, caused just one other person to lay their issue at His feet, would it not have been worth the "embarrassment"?


For those who are not physically a virgin any more, overcoming the struggle with premarital sex, can be very difficult. If I may be very transparent for a moment, although I have been practicing celibacy for almost 3 years now, the urges are still there. It's not some thing that is going to happen over night. It's a process. Like I mentioned in A Letter to Benedict Arnold and A Letter to Benedict Arnold Pt. 2, most women who have this problem may also be dealing with self image and esteem problems weather they realize it or not. The key to overcoming fornication is to first realize your worth, understand who God purposed you to be, and to love yourself. I know your thinking "I've heard all of this before", I said the same thing, but until you really get into the word understand who you in Christ, then you will never be able to know your true worth. 


Trust, every woman, I don't care how saved she is, deals with feelings of sexual arousal, especially around that time of the month. That doesn't make you a bad person, because it's natural; you can't help it. But you have to arm yourself with the word to overcome these moments.  Romans 7:18 says, "For I know in me (that is in my flesh), dwelleth no good thing..." but we have to beat this flesh and build up our spirit man by the renewing of our mind. "Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus." [Philippians 2:5] You have to get to the point (were I am now) that you love God soooo much, that a few minutes of pleasure (yes it really only will last for a few minutes) is not worth your salvation. God said "if you love me, you will keep my commanments", and when you truly love someone, in the natural, don't try to hurt them. It's the same thing with our Heavenly Father. We are wroth the wait, worth experiencing sex in the way God ordained it; in marriage. This is want He wants for us, so doing anything contrary is a heartbreak for Him.


Yes, this is a day by day walk, and through this blog I want to make myself completely transparent so that as I walk through this single Christian life, (1) God can get all the glory and (2) I can help other Queens realize their worth. Trust there will always be more to come! 

Junita Bynum's No More Sheets

Although this message is a older one from Prophetess Junita Bynum, I still find it to be one that has had the hardest impact on me in this Christian walk. I watch it form time to time to get a refreshing of the message in my spirit.

What is your take on this message? What points do you agree or disagree with? What is your opinion on the fact that she never called a text?

A Letter to Benedict Arnold Pt. 2

So why do we do this to ourselves? It all stems from 1 thing...the relationship with the father figures in our lives. Weather he was there or wasn't, there is a  disconnect somewhere, where we didn't learn how a man is suppose to love a woman, we didn't learn that we are a man's favor with God, therefore we have the power. If I may use my life as an example, my father was not there when I was a child, so I  knew nothing of how a man is suppose to love a woman, other than what I saw on TV. As a heavier girl, being made fun of for being over weight and not the most "popular" because I considered myself saved; well my actions in the teenage years of my life just reflected what I saw and was told all of mywhole  life from the media and from classmates: I wasn't the bomb.com and because I wasn't a size 2 if I got a man and wanted to keep him, make sure his "NEEDS" are put first. No this isn't something that literally ran across my mind, but it was there subconciously. I hid it from myself under thoughts of "humm, I'll show them. I am pretty I can get a man." or in later years, "I tired of men treating me this way so I'm do the samething to them." Now this segway leads to another major point that I must make. If you are one of those women who loves to make the arguement of "I just want to have my sexual freedom; I can have sex with no emotion" that is a lie that you have allowed the devil to convince you of and you need to rebuke that demon and cast him back to the pit of hell that he came from. Those thoughts come from a deeply hurt place, that has yet to be healed. If you feel that you can have sex with no emotions, there was someone where in your past that hurt you deeply, and you, in order to cope, have made yourself numb. Sweetheart you are worth sooooo much more than that. I can talk because I'm talking from exprience. I'm not sharing my personal life for pitty. If one person can be blessed, change there life, and give their life over to Christ because of my testimony, then every hurt feeling, tear, sleepless night, or thought of suicide was worth it and God is getting the glory anyhow. Because we have endured so much and may not know or truly realize the love God has for us, we stand for nothing, and allow everything. I am just now in my early 20's realizing that I am worth soooo much more and you are too my sister. I am now able to know what true love is through the love that God as shown me. I didnt know then that it says in Ephesians 5:25 that a man is to love his wife as Christ loves the church. I just allowed what ever for the sake of saying "I have a man", when in actuality we do not have to lower I standards and accept what is handed to us just because we think that what we want is not going to be accepted. We are called on be holy and acceptible unto Christ and that includes dating. And if he can't accept that then brother man needs to move around. #RealTalk. When I listened and allowed ppl to make me feel low about my physical appearance I didnt realize that it states in Psalms 139 that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. When God made everything, it was good, so how dare we allow the devil to tell us otherwise.

To be continued...............

A Letter to Benedict Arnold

This is a letter written to the traditors of all traditors. Most devious ppl on God's green earth....us; women. We are backstabbers to ourselves and other women. I have sat back and observed for sometime now and I literally get sick to my stomach when I see how we stab ourseleves and each other in the back. Yes, it has been said  known to be true, that the female gender can be extremely catty and messy, and although this may play into the scheme of the things, this is not the particular offense I'm referring to. I have seen us a degrade and belittle ourselves over and over and time and time again for one thing; the attention of a man. It has become a saddening sight. We as women do not know our worth and it shows. And I must admit and be completely transparent for a moment and say that I have also committed this treason against myself when I was younger, but I have seen myself in a mirror and hope that I can also help someone else realize that, yes my sisters, we are indeed very powerful.

I hear so many times that there are no good men out there, and if you are saved, there is really slim pickings. Let's explore why that is. We say that men cheat, they lie, they are no good. But let's anaylize that for a second. How can a man cheat, if there isn't a woman somewhere who is willing to cheat with him? A man can only do, what we allow him to. With our immature and emotionally damaged minds, we think, "man he must really love me, I must be bomb, cause he left her for me" or "yea I'm bomb cause I took him from her", instead of realizing that if he did that to her he is mos def going to do the same thing to you. Why? Because you have already let him know that you think cheating is ok, by being a co-conspirator in the cheat. You have already showed him that you have no respect for yourself or a relationship, so why should he have respect for you and his relationship for you?

So why do we do this to ourselves? It all stems from 1 thing...the relationship with the father figures in our lives. Weather he was there or wasn't, there is a a disconnect somewhere, where we didn't learn how a man is suppose to love a woman, we didn't learn that we are a man's favor with God, therefore we have the power.

to be continued..........

PT. 2 Coming Soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!