The Painful Truth

In the past I have had what some people would call "bad luck". It just seemed like things never went right. I would be up one moment. Life would be going good. I seemed to accomplished every thing I set out to do. I was in college, had my own apartment, my own car, and a pretty good job with full benefits. But soon everything just went south. My hours were cut at work, I couldn't afford my apartment any more, someone hit and totaled my car. I found myself sleeping on the couch of a friend, with the worst credit ever! Now the natural side would be saying, "God why did you do this to me." And I did. I blamed God, but it was actually my fault because I was not living in His will.

As you may know, and if you don't, you will soon find out about me; I LOVE Pastor Justin and the whole P4CM. (Since I'm in school at night and can't go to bible study, I get my weekday Word from watching him on youtube), But I was watching his sermon today about pain, and it pierced me and gave me revelation about my life and my situations even now. I have found out that God allows us to go through pain for two reasons. (1) To bring us back to our senses and back to Him and (2) to give us a testimony to help others.

Pastor Justin of P4CM's Sermon "The truth behind why there may be pain and difficulties in your life"

Now, I know that things that I went through in the past (mostly through my college years) was God trying to get my attention. I was very stubborn, like most of us can be. I delighting myself in worldly things and expecting good to come from it. But the pleasures of this world are only temporary. My foolish self could not, at that time, understand why everything kept falling apart. God wanted me to come back to him, but instead I ran to fornication and alcohol to make myself feel better. Pastor Justin used a great saying in the sermon, "God sometimes has to set the building on fire to get you to come running out." It wasn't until I made a complete fool of myself and brought a stigma to my name for me to get it together.

In recent times, back in April, I started dating a guy. Now, we dated some years back, and back then I wasn't that in to him because I view him as being super clingy and it completely turned me off. Plus, at that time, I wasn't trying to settle down. Now, I'm more open to a serious relationship. So I decided to give it another chance because he was really nice guy, I truly believed that he love me and during a time were all the guys I was encountering couldn't deal with my celiebacy, it was refreshing to find a guy who was willing to DEAL with it, grew up in the church and "wanted a relation with God" (this is key. It wasn't that he was trying to celiebate on his own, he was doing it for me....red flag. He needs to do it for God and love God more than he loves me). Everything seemed to going good in the relationship, but my spirit really wasn't settled with it. I would notice that every time I invited him to church, there would be a reason why he could go. So I prayed to God, "Lord if he is not suppose to be here, please remove him." Shortly there after it came out in a very public way that he was doing dirt and appearantly not trying to live a lifestyle that was pleasing to God. 

Personally he was good a person, but we were not equally yoked. If God had not taken me through the pain of the break-up (and yes it was very painful: we were seriously talking about marriage), I would still be in that relationship and end up in a marriage which was not in the will of God. Now, all of this could have been avoided if I had trusted God and waited on Him. When we get inpatient and say "God you know what, you just taking a little too long for me, so I'm just do this right here." God takes a step back and allows you to learn the hard way. He dosen't force His will on you, but His Word will not return until him void. Now the road you take to get there depends on you and your willingness to trust and obey.

Being honest, there are times were the enemy will try to feed me negativity, making me want what's not best for me. I have my lonely moments when I think like "dang, I wish he would have done right, because things else was perfect between us before I found out." I have to fight those feeling and call the devil a lie, because I know my destiny in God and anything contrary is not of God. I have to tell myself that it was in fact a blessing, because I would have just caused myself even more heartache, staying there because we were not equally yoked. How can two walk together less they are agreed [Amos 3:3]. The man is suppose to be the head of the house and the spiritual leader of the house, how can that be if you are with someone who can't even get a prayer through? You have to look at like you dodge an unhappy bullet that could have stunted your growth in God, and that God has something better in store for you, but you have to trust Him. "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and learn not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths." [Proverbs 3:5-6] What does that mean? You have to trust God, even though it may not make sense to you, you may not understand how you are going to get your blessing or fulfill your destiny, but trust that what God said is truth. For He is not a man that he should lie. "In all thy way acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths."  Make sure your ways acknowledge God; that your light is shining. That you are walking up rightly before Him, and living a life that is pleasing and acceptable in His eyes, and He will direct your path.

This is something I have to remind myself of everyday. Although I am "alone" in the natural, I am never alone in the spiritual. God is working on me, and preparing me for my blessing. How is God going to bless you with something that you are not ready to receive? How does he give you a man after His own heart, when your relationship with him, ( the one that comes first and foremost before all others) isn't together?

"Commit to having a fruit bearing relationship with Jesus Christ before dating" - Pastor Justin.

This poem by P4CM is really food for thought.