Listener Beware!

While listening to my Jill Scott station on Pandora, I noticed that I had to skip a lot of songs. Now, there was not thing wrong with these songs. The Jill Scott station never disappoints. It's really the only secular station I will listen to because, it's real music! But I had to skip some songs (which were in the past, some of my favorite songs) because they were emotional triggers for me; causing me to remember intimate moments with a past partner who I had a strong soul-tie to.

Recently I have been doing a lot of research on soul-ties. A lot of us have soul ties to people and don't realize it. According to www.newwineonline.com, "A soul tie is the joining or knitting together of the bonds of a relationship. Godly soul ties occur when like-minded believers are together in the Lord: friends, marriage partners, believers to pastors, etc. Relationships that lack ‘God-centeredness’ can result in ungodly soul ties between friends, parents and children, siblings, marriage partners, former romantic or sexual partners, domineering authorities, etc."  In my sitution, this would be a ungodly sexual tie. Now the person, I have this tie with is not a bad person at all, but God was not the center of the relationship and there was the present of lust and premarital sex. This tie held me bound for many years. Although it doesn't phase me as much, I realized recently, that it hasn't fully dissolved, so I still have work to do with God to completely break it. 

Proverbs 4:23 NLT "Guard your heart above all else,for it determines the course of your life."

Taken and Zeta Phi Zeta Christian Fraternity and Sorority Inc.'s Poetry Slam  that featured Jeanette-ikz and Ezekiel 

In the process of breaking soul ties, we must recognize the importance of guarding our hearts from ungodly influences. Had I continued to listen to those songs that causes emotional triggers for me, I may have felt the need to call that person and tried to re-kindle the same ungodly  relationship. God just keeps showing me the dangers of premarital sex. And this particular subject just keeps coming up in my life lately. For example, last week I went to ISU, and my Sorority sponsored a poetry slam, in which we featured Jeanette-ikz  and Ezekiel from P4CM as headliners. Jeanette-ikz, spoke about the dangers of soul-ties before preforming "I will wait for you", also, I went to an open mic at my church on Friday and a young lady did a poem on soul-ties (just confirmation). 

Donald Lawrence- Your Righteous Mind (This song has really blessed me).

When you have sex with a person, they make a deposit into you. I'm not just talking about the natural deposit of semen that occurs, but i'm speaking of the spiritual ejaculation that happens when someone enters you. These unholy spirits and bond are almost impossible to break with out God's help. Although I haven't had sexual intercourse with this person in over 2 years, breaking this tie is still a day by day walk for me and an internal war. I'm not as attached as I use to be, but there is still something there that triggers my flesh to "reminisce" (#danger). I choose to thank God for deliverance in advance. This topic is one that God has placed on my heart to write about, and I will continue to focus on this for a while. If you have anything that you want to share on the topic of soul ties, feel free to email me and with your permission I will post it as a featured post. Love you guys and please stay prayed up. 

"Made in his image"

Here's some food for thought:

Wedding Annocement: Congrats Chaquoia and Marty!

I want to take time out to congratulate my ship, Chaquoia Martin and her Hubby-to-be, Martin Kelly on their recent engagement. I am extremely happy for these two, especially so because this is a marriage of two people living a Godly lifestyle. May God bless this union now and for years to come.

Soon, I will be featuring couples, engagements, and weddings of christian relationships. I want to increase the faith in those who are still preparing themselves and placing themselves in the way for "Boaz" to find them. Becoming the Proverbs 31 woman is not an easy thing and seeing a benefit, such as a beautiful union put together by God, can give an extra boost of encouragement.

Again, I want to say congrats Ship! Love you guys!

Happy Thursday!

Laughter is good for the soul! I'm feeling good today so I want to share my joy with you guys and make you smile. Enjoy this video on enjoying you love.

SMOOTCHIES XOXOX

Platinum Lovers ft. Proche & Brandon (BYFKZ) from Gary Beauford on Vimeo.

My Boyfriend

As some of you may know, I'm currently studying Proverbs 31 and I found a study aid from Liberty Online Ministries called "Virtuous Fear". While read the 2nd chapter of the aid entitled "Behind Every Good Man...", I realized something; before we can enter in a physical relationship, we must display the traits of the virtuous woman in our relationship with God. This particular section deals with the 11th verse which reads, "The heart of her husband trusts in hear, and he will have no lack of gain". In other words, "He has absolute confidence in her faithfulness" [The Expositor's Study Bible].

I have always heard single saved women say that they were "dating" the Lord. A lot times in the past some people, including myself, would consider that statement to be sort of a cop out and that in reality the women who say that just wanted to comfort themselves from the fact that the right guy hasn't approached them. I really didn't understand the importance of "dating" the Lord until, honestly, a few weeks ago. It was like a light bulb came on and I said "ohhhhhhh, I get it now!" Not saying that I'm trying to cover up the fact that I'm not dating anyone, but how can I be in a Godly relationship if I haven't allowed the Lord to show me what responsibility I need to take on in that role? It has been said that a girl learns true love of a man from her father; that it is the first and most important encounter of love from a male that she will ever have. This is also true of the heavenly Father, especially so because of the spiritual aspect that is required for a Godly union to be successful.


"Behind every good man stands a good woman"...."He has absolute confidence in her faithfulness"......FAITHFULNESS......do we show complete faithfulness to God? Of course we know that He is always faithful to us, but are we to Him? In the physical relationship, we as women, are to have our man's back , be "down to ride" and be supportive. Are we like that in our relationship with God? Is He confident in our faithfulness? It's just food for thought. My task this week is to take time out to make sure MY BOYFRIEND [the Lord], is confident in my faithfulness.






Here's a little inspiration for today: Kierra "KiKi" Sheard - My Boyfriend

If you would like to join in the study click here for the study aid.

I Hate to Admit it but Lil Wayne Is On to Something.

I'm not a huge Lil Wayne fan because just like a lot of the hip hop artist nowadays he spews out and promotes ignorance and things that are completely not of God, but I came into my living-room one day, and my brothers was watching 106 and Park on BET as usual. A video came across the screen that completely grab my attention and has me actually giving kudos to Mr. Carter for sharing some sad truth. The video that was playing was Lil Wayne's "How to Love". This video visually displays the powerful words he wrote, describing the poor emotional state a lot a young females  are experiencing now, in not knowing how to love. What is your take on Lil Wayne's "How to Love"?

Now here is a 2 part video response to this music video by Jaha Howard expressing what true Christ-like love is! 

Check out Jaha's channel here.

The Painful Truth

In the past I have had what some people would call "bad luck". It just seemed like things never went right. I would be up one moment. Life would be going good. I seemed to accomplished every thing I set out to do. I was in college, had my own apartment, my own car, and a pretty good job with full benefits. But soon everything just went south. My hours were cut at work, I couldn't afford my apartment any more, someone hit and totaled my car. I found myself sleeping on the couch of a friend, with the worst credit ever! Now the natural side would be saying, "God why did you do this to me." And I did. I blamed God, but it was actually my fault because I was not living in His will.

As you may know, and if you don't, you will soon find out about me; I LOVE Pastor Justin and the whole P4CM. (Since I'm in school at night and can't go to bible study, I get my weekday Word from watching him on youtube), But I was watching his sermon today about pain, and it pierced me and gave me revelation about my life and my situations even now. I have found out that God allows us to go through pain for two reasons. (1) To bring us back to our senses and back to Him and (2) to give us a testimony to help others.

Pastor Justin of P4CM's Sermon "The truth behind why there may be pain and difficulties in your life"

Now, I know that things that I went through in the past (mostly through my college years) was God trying to get my attention. I was very stubborn, like most of us can be. I delighting myself in worldly things and expecting good to come from it. But the pleasures of this world are only temporary. My foolish self could not, at that time, understand why everything kept falling apart. God wanted me to come back to him, but instead I ran to fornication and alcohol to make myself feel better. Pastor Justin used a great saying in the sermon, "God sometimes has to set the building on fire to get you to come running out." It wasn't until I made a complete fool of myself and brought a stigma to my name for me to get it together.

In recent times, back in April, I started dating a guy. Now, we dated some years back, and back then I wasn't that in to him because I view him as being super clingy and it completely turned me off. Plus, at that time, I wasn't trying to settle down. Now, I'm more open to a serious relationship. So I decided to give it another chance because he was really nice guy, I truly believed that he love me and during a time were all the guys I was encountering couldn't deal with my celiebacy, it was refreshing to find a guy who was willing to DEAL with it, grew up in the church and "wanted a relation with God" (this is key. It wasn't that he was trying to celiebate on his own, he was doing it for me....red flag. He needs to do it for God and love God more than he loves me). Everything seemed to going good in the relationship, but my spirit really wasn't settled with it. I would notice that every time I invited him to church, there would be a reason why he could go. So I prayed to God, "Lord if he is not suppose to be here, please remove him." Shortly there after it came out in a very public way that he was doing dirt and appearantly not trying to live a lifestyle that was pleasing to God. 

Personally he was good a person, but we were not equally yoked. If God had not taken me through the pain of the break-up (and yes it was very painful: we were seriously talking about marriage), I would still be in that relationship and end up in a marriage which was not in the will of God. Now, all of this could have been avoided if I had trusted God and waited on Him. When we get inpatient and say "God you know what, you just taking a little too long for me, so I'm just do this right here." God takes a step back and allows you to learn the hard way. He dosen't force His will on you, but His Word will not return until him void. Now the road you take to get there depends on you and your willingness to trust and obey.

Being honest, there are times were the enemy will try to feed me negativity, making me want what's not best for me. I have my lonely moments when I think like "dang, I wish he would have done right, because things else was perfect between us before I found out." I have to fight those feeling and call the devil a lie, because I know my destiny in God and anything contrary is not of God. I have to tell myself that it was in fact a blessing, because I would have just caused myself even more heartache, staying there because we were not equally yoked. How can two walk together less they are agreed [Amos 3:3]. The man is suppose to be the head of the house and the spiritual leader of the house, how can that be if you are with someone who can't even get a prayer through? You have to look at like you dodge an unhappy bullet that could have stunted your growth in God, and that God has something better in store for you, but you have to trust Him. "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and learn not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths." [Proverbs 3:5-6] What does that mean? You have to trust God, even though it may not make sense to you, you may not understand how you are going to get your blessing or fulfill your destiny, but trust that what God said is truth. For He is not a man that he should lie. "In all thy way acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths."  Make sure your ways acknowledge God; that your light is shining. That you are walking up rightly before Him, and living a life that is pleasing and acceptable in His eyes, and He will direct your path.

This is something I have to remind myself of everyday. Although I am "alone" in the natural, I am never alone in the spiritual. God is working on me, and preparing me for my blessing. How is God going to bless you with something that you are not ready to receive? How does he give you a man after His own heart, when your relationship with him, ( the one that comes first and foremost before all others) isn't together?

"Commit to having a fruit bearing relationship with Jesus Christ before dating" - Pastor Justin.

This poem by P4CM is really food for thought.

P4CM: Generation EX

I previous discussed my Ex in this post. Who is your Ex? Are you bold enough to proclaim it to a dying world?

The Ex-Factor

A few weeks ago my youth department had their Outpour Youth Conference, and as a member of the youth choir, one of the nights were had to wear "church" tees. Well, seeing how a larger portion of my clothes are still at sorority sister's house from me moving, I didn't have much to choose from. I decided to my "X-Fornicator" tee, that I got made, inspired by P4CM. My decision, based on lack of any other option, sparked so many different reactions. People, for the most part, applauded my boldness in displaying my past sin.


All of the reaction to my fashion choice, made me think, "why should I be ashamed of what God brought me from?" As I look around I see so many saved women who struggle with fornication. That doesn't make them any less saved, because Roman 3:23 says "For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God" (I'm not give any one the green light to go out and have premarital sex, God looks at your heart). If me proclaiming that God delivered me, caused just one other person to lay their issue at His feet, would it not have been worth the "embarrassment"?


For those who are not physically a virgin any more, overcoming the struggle with premarital sex, can be very difficult. If I may be very transparent for a moment, although I have been practicing celibacy for almost 3 years now, the urges are still there. It's not some thing that is going to happen over night. It's a process. Like I mentioned in A Letter to Benedict Arnold and A Letter to Benedict Arnold Pt. 2, most women who have this problem may also be dealing with self image and esteem problems weather they realize it or not. The key to overcoming fornication is to first realize your worth, understand who God purposed you to be, and to love yourself. I know your thinking "I've heard all of this before", I said the same thing, but until you really get into the word understand who you in Christ, then you will never be able to know your true worth. 


Trust, every woman, I don't care how saved she is, deals with feelings of sexual arousal, especially around that time of the month. That doesn't make you a bad person, because it's natural; you can't help it. But you have to arm yourself with the word to overcome these moments.  Romans 7:18 says, "For I know in me (that is in my flesh), dwelleth no good thing..." but we have to beat this flesh and build up our spirit man by the renewing of our mind. "Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus." [Philippians 2:5] You have to get to the point (were I am now) that you love God soooo much, that a few minutes of pleasure (yes it really only will last for a few minutes) is not worth your salvation. God said "if you love me, you will keep my commanments", and when you truly love someone, in the natural, don't try to hurt them. It's the same thing with our Heavenly Father. We are wroth the wait, worth experiencing sex in the way God ordained it; in marriage. This is want He wants for us, so doing anything contrary is a heartbreak for Him.


Yes, this is a day by day walk, and through this blog I want to make myself completely transparent so that as I walk through this single Christian life, (1) God can get all the glory and (2) I can help other Queens realize their worth. Trust there will always be more to come! 

April Mason's "Is The Black Church Keeping Black Women Single?"

I ran across this video, via a post on Facebook by one of my sorority sisters, and I found it very interesting. APRIL MASON talks about how we, growing up in the church, were always told to keep busy in the church and not to look for a man, because the Lord would send one like He sent Boaz to Ruth. Here she argues that Ruth, in fact, positioned herself to be found. What are your thoughts on the matter? Do you agree with April?

Discuss this and other topics on the live chat (today only) or start an open forum.

Junita Bynum's No More Sheets

Although this message is a older one from Prophetess Junita Bynum, I still find it to be one that has had the hardest impact on me in this Christian walk. I watch it form time to time to get a refreshing of the message in my spirit.

What is your take on this message? What points do you agree or disagree with? What is your opinion on the fact that she never called a text?

A Letter to Benedict Arnold Pt. 2

So why do we do this to ourselves? It all stems from 1 thing...the relationship with the father figures in our lives. Weather he was there or wasn't, there is a  disconnect somewhere, where we didn't learn how a man is suppose to love a woman, we didn't learn that we are a man's favor with God, therefore we have the power. If I may use my life as an example, my father was not there when I was a child, so I  knew nothing of how a man is suppose to love a woman, other than what I saw on TV. As a heavier girl, being made fun of for being over weight and not the most "popular" because I considered myself saved; well my actions in the teenage years of my life just reflected what I saw and was told all of mywhole  life from the media and from classmates: I wasn't the bomb.com and because I wasn't a size 2 if I got a man and wanted to keep him, make sure his "NEEDS" are put first. No this isn't something that literally ran across my mind, but it was there subconciously. I hid it from myself under thoughts of "humm, I'll show them. I am pretty I can get a man." or in later years, "I tired of men treating me this way so I'm do the samething to them." Now this segway leads to another major point that I must make. If you are one of those women who loves to make the arguement of "I just want to have my sexual freedom; I can have sex with no emotion" that is a lie that you have allowed the devil to convince you of and you need to rebuke that demon and cast him back to the pit of hell that he came from. Those thoughts come from a deeply hurt place, that has yet to be healed. If you feel that you can have sex with no emotions, there was someone where in your past that hurt you deeply, and you, in order to cope, have made yourself numb. Sweetheart you are worth sooooo much more than that. I can talk because I'm talking from exprience. I'm not sharing my personal life for pitty. If one person can be blessed, change there life, and give their life over to Christ because of my testimony, then every hurt feeling, tear, sleepless night, or thought of suicide was worth it and God is getting the glory anyhow. Because we have endured so much and may not know or truly realize the love God has for us, we stand for nothing, and allow everything. I am just now in my early 20's realizing that I am worth soooo much more and you are too my sister. I am now able to know what true love is through the love that God as shown me. I didnt know then that it says in Ephesians 5:25 that a man is to love his wife as Christ loves the church. I just allowed what ever for the sake of saying "I have a man", when in actuality we do not have to lower I standards and accept what is handed to us just because we think that what we want is not going to be accepted. We are called on be holy and acceptible unto Christ and that includes dating. And if he can't accept that then brother man needs to move around. #RealTalk. When I listened and allowed ppl to make me feel low about my physical appearance I didnt realize that it states in Psalms 139 that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. When God made everything, it was good, so how dare we allow the devil to tell us otherwise.

To be continued...............

A Letter to Benedict Arnold

This is a letter written to the traditors of all traditors. Most devious ppl on God's green earth....us; women. We are backstabbers to ourselves and other women. I have sat back and observed for sometime now and I literally get sick to my stomach when I see how we stab ourseleves and each other in the back. Yes, it has been said  known to be true, that the female gender can be extremely catty and messy, and although this may play into the scheme of the things, this is not the particular offense I'm referring to. I have seen us a degrade and belittle ourselves over and over and time and time again for one thing; the attention of a man. It has become a saddening sight. We as women do not know our worth and it shows. And I must admit and be completely transparent for a moment and say that I have also committed this treason against myself when I was younger, but I have seen myself in a mirror and hope that I can also help someone else realize that, yes my sisters, we are indeed very powerful.

I hear so many times that there are no good men out there, and if you are saved, there is really slim pickings. Let's explore why that is. We say that men cheat, they lie, they are no good. But let's anaylize that for a second. How can a man cheat, if there isn't a woman somewhere who is willing to cheat with him? A man can only do, what we allow him to. With our immature and emotionally damaged minds, we think, "man he must really love me, I must be bomb, cause he left her for me" or "yea I'm bomb cause I took him from her", instead of realizing that if he did that to her he is mos def going to do the same thing to you. Why? Because you have already let him know that you think cheating is ok, by being a co-conspirator in the cheat. You have already showed him that you have no respect for yourself or a relationship, so why should he have respect for you and his relationship for you?

So why do we do this to ourselves? It all stems from 1 thing...the relationship with the father figures in our lives. Weather he was there or wasn't, there is a a disconnect somewhere, where we didn't learn how a man is suppose to love a woman, we didn't learn that we are a man's favor with God, therefore we have the power.

to be continued..........

PT. 2 Coming Soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dedication

 

This blog is dedicated young women who want to live a  Holiness lifestyle, but deal with the temptation of conformity everyday. As being a women who grew up in the church, strayed away for a little while, and rededicated my life to Christ, I learned a lot of life lessons, especially in regards to who I am in Christ. No one ever told me what it means to be a young woman and living saved and how to still enjoy life. I was just told what not to do. No one ever wanted to discuss how to deal with self image, sexual arousal, dating, and other "church taboos" that we deal with on a daily basis. Although, I have learned a lot, I'm still trying navigate the waters of this walk with Christ. I am still a work in progress, with a very long way to go, but I want to share my experiences with other young women and help them and myself as much as possible.


The title of this blog was choosen from Proverbs 31:10 "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies". The focus is to learn how to became a Proverbs 31 woman, realize our worth, break the chains of  low self esteem, and to realize that we were "fearfully and wonderfully made". [Psalm 139:7]